Active listening, in DeVito's five-stage model, runs: receiving, understanding, remembering, evaluating, and responding. You take in the words, work out what they mean, hold onto them, judge them, then show the speaker you did.
A friend says, I'm worried about the move. You listen, get that it's about stress, remember it, and answer, That sounds hard.
Hearing is just sound reaching your ears, like a TV next door. Listening is doing these steps with it. Different books may name the stages differently.
Contact is not one of the five stages above. It comes from a separate, commonly used four-step listening framework. In that framework, a coworker starts telling you about a problem, so you look at her, keep your posture open, and nod. That shows acceptance, not agreement. You can accept that she is upset without deciding she is right.
Another step is holding back judgment. A friend says, I'm thinking of quitting my job. You let him finish without interrupting or pushing your opinion, even though it is hard.
Then you try a short reflection, about two or three sentences, summing up his main point in your own words, like It sounds like you're saying the work drains you. Keeping it brief is one recommendation, not a fixed rule.
Active listening, in the five-stage model, runs through receiving, understanding, remembering, evaluating, and responding, in that order. Receiving is the first stage, where you are only hearing the words, not yet working with them. The contact step, holding back judgment, and the short reflection described above come from a different framework, so do not worry about fitting them into this sequence. In the quitting-job talk that follows, understanding means you get that he feels worn out, remembering means you can recall it next week, evaluating means you weigh his reasons, and responding means you say something that shows you did all that.
In the quitting-job talk, understanding means you get that he feels worn out, remembering means you can recall it next week, evaluating means you weigh his reasons, and responding means you say something that shows you did all that.
Hearing is not the same as listening
Listening is something you choose, while hearing simply happens to you. Hearing is passive: you decide to pay attention, work out the meaning, and respond. If the radio plays in the next room, you hear it whether you like it or not; walking in and following the song is the choice.